Tag Archives: memes

Friday Fluff – All This Useless Beauty

What badass mamajama started the Friday Fluff craze that’s sweeping the nation?  Lisa from Seeking Elevation, that’s who.  Read her often hilarious, totally irreverent and always honest replies to surveys posted to Quizopolis.com.  And join in.  I double dog dare ya.

This week’s survey was created by:  whii93

flowers, purple, painting, simple, canvas - Purple Flowers II

Art by elisaann

 

What’s your sexual orientation?

I used to have a t-shirt that said straight, but not narrow.  Pretty much sums it up.  

Do you share your bedroom with someone? If yes, with who??

My husband, our cat and her litterbox.  Mama needs a bigger house.

Do you resemble a famous celebrity?

Because Pangie is awesomesauce on toast, I copied her.  With different, yet equally unsettling results.  

Now, I’ll take Daphne any day of the week.  The Sure Thing, Modern Girls, Spaceballs.  Melrose Place AND One Tree Hill(Did I tell you about my adoraballs little friend who thought OTH was called Montreal?  Zomgs, kewt.)?  And my inner geek is fainting with the awesome of being in any way connected to Buffy Summers.

But Michael fucking Bloomberg?  Hold the phone, stop the presses, insert outmoded exclamatory statement here!  I am confused by him – lifelong Democrat/ran as Republican, Democrat values/Republican fiscal choices, New York city mayor/actor in such films as The Adjustment Bureau and New Year’s Eve.  I also dig him and think his accountability approach has done good, good things for a city that I love so dearly.  But, look like him?  Pshaw, I say.  Pshaw and hell to the no.  But probably more accurate than a 50 year old black man.  Just sayin.

What brand is your mobile?

Oh, you Brits.  Why is every little weirdo thing you say is so freaking sexy.  My mobile is an Apple iphone.  Ooh baby.

What keychains do you have with your house keys?

An awesome owl that my bff gave me when our matching Coach flower keychains died from overuse.  Bonded for life at Woodbury Common Outlet Mall.

Do you drive? If yes, what cars do you own?

I could care less about cars(we have a Honda CR-V that’s older than dirt and a Chevy Trailblazer that isn’t), but I actually love to drive.  Not like the day to day, in and out of the car, errand type driving that is pretty much all I do anymore.  I fucking love road trips.  Although, much less when they involve toddlers or bored husbands.  

I drove from New York to Idaho(I know, what the fuck was I thinking?  I should have been headed in the opposite direction.) by myself and loved every minute.  I used to travel from Portland to Idaho on the regular and looked forward to the drive every time.  There’s something so very therapeutic about hurtling down the road into the night followed by the moon, heart pumping in time with the bass.  

Do you read the newspaper?

No, because I’m not 100.  Save a tree, read the internet.

Is the TV on right now?

No, but Spotify is.  Black Keys.  And, hey y’all?  What is the big freaking deal with Bon Iver?  I mean, it’s pretty but I think my brain fell asleep while listening to it.  It’s like music to drown in an icy stream to.

What song are you hearing right now?

Lonely Boy by the Black Keys.  You’re not much of a listener, are you?  Oh, now it’s Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons.  

Any favorite books you wanna mention here?

I wanna mention The Talisman.  If we’re talking favorites, that is.  I love it so very much.  It has elements of all the shit that floats my particular boat – fantasy, other worlds, multiple storylines and characters, humor, a quest.  I do live in fear of the mini series they have been threatening to make for years.  Some things just don’t translate well to film.  Let’s foster imagination people.  

Are you up-to-date with the latest news on celebrities?

I am sad in all aspects of current events.  I get my all my news second-hand.  I heard of the Demi Moore Whip-it debacle from Lisa.  And let me,as a former young and poor drug using individual, voice my confusion.  Who the fuck does Whip-its when you can afford, and have access to, real drugs?  This is exactly why I don’t read the news.  

Have you ever lied to a best friend?

Probably. I was a drug addict for a long time.  I lied to pretty much everyone.  Nowadays, just the little insignificant things.  Sure, I like your husband.  He’s a great fucking guy.  Those pants?  Make your ass look fat?  Hell naw.

Do you consider yourself intelligent?

I think I’ve answered this question in a prior survey.  Too smart for my own good, not smart enough to figure out how to end this sentence humorously.

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Mornings can suck my ass.  

Do you enjoy doing stuff on your own?

I prefer it.

                                             Limey bullshit love song

Save Meme

Help me, I’m caught in a meme loop and I can’t get out!  These unhinged questions are courtesy of Lisa from Seeking Elevation which was inspired by the equally unhinged Chibi Jeebs who led us down this particular rabbit hole.

What’s the last movie you saw that was worth recommending?

Beginners.  I may have raved about it a little.

If you had to suddenly choose another spouse, and you had your pick of anyone in the world, living or dead, who would you pick?

Ewan McGregor.  I may have raved about him a little.

Boxers or briefs?  Or commando?

I used to be all about commando or G strings, which I picked up during my stripper phase.  But now all I can think is stuff rubbing up against other stuff that has no business even being in the same neighborhood.  Hygiene, people.  Bikini briefs.  Boxer briefs for him.

Hand sanitizer: the gel that’s going to save you from a flesh-eating virus or the menace that is creating flesh-eating viruses?

I use organic EO Lemon Hand Sanitizer Gel because I’m from Portland and that’s how we do.  Sanitizer gels are mostly just alcohol which won’t make your germs resistant, but may get them shit-faced.  But I mos def do NOT do antibacterial anything or anything containing triclosan.  Again due to the Portland dirty hippie phenomenon, but also due to the whole preferring my skin not melt off of my body.

If you got to pick one celebrity to be your mom, who would it be?

This scares me as celebrities are not typically known for their nurturing.  I hear they can’t abide wire hangers.  If I have to choose I’ll go with Audrey Hepburn.  She did all that work for UNICEF and wanted so badly to have a ton of kids.  Plus, cha-ching and hello, nurse!

How come you don’t want your mom to be your mom?

There’s not as much cha in her ching, but she’s cool with wire hangers.

Lights on or lights off?

Depends on the day and the position.

When I finally find the right dog to adopt, what should I name it?

You know, Rainbow has grown on me.  There’s like a sweet sort of irony to it.  That or Jack Handey.

Who would you rather have sex with: Richard Simmons or Nancy Grace?  Yes, you have to choose, and no, suicide is not an acceptable answer.

This is a fucking no brainer.  Nancy Grace is an ambulance chasing, sensationalist hose beast.  Richard Simmons all the way, baby.  Although not likely to actually make it all the way.  Which still works out in my favor.

Okay, give us your favorite rant.  We’ll listen to you.

Now that you’re forcing me to think about it, I’ve got nothing.  Any other time I can rave the day away, but I’m totes suffering from raver’s block.  I reserve the right to rave at a later date.

How often do you eat food that you know is fucking terrible for you?
Last night I had pasta in a light cream sauce, artichoke bruschetta and cookie dough for dessert.  While on Weight Watchers.  They are no longer watching.  Can’t blame ‘em.

Do That To Meme One More Time

Chibi Jeebs is one badass Canadian lady.  She performs feats such as moving across territories(?) in no time flat, pinning supa rad shit on the daily and daring fellow bloggers to answer the siren call of another meme.  Because she’s funny and supportive and secretly some sort of superhero, I’m answering her call.  But the meme dies with me because I am just not inventive enough to come up with my own questions.  But if you are in the mood for MOAR, MOAR, MOAR check out Teala’s eleven.

What colour are your underwear right now?

Black.  Boring.  Reality is boring, yo.

What’s your least favourite food?

Any sort of meat or meat based product.  It’s not because I am morally opposed or high and mighty or even healthy.  It’s because I was raised vegetarian and the texture of meat makes me gag.

Does it bother you when I put extra letters in my word? Well, too bad: I’m Canadian, eh?

Hehe.  It does not bother me.  I notice it as a misspelled word in my American English version of spellcheck, but I’m pretty used to it now after conversing so long with all y’all Canadians.  I do think it looks pretty fancy, which goes along with the whole high tea image I have of those from up North.  And now I want a crumpet.  Those are not easy to come by around these parts.

How do you like your eggs?

In my mouth.  Or under a tree.  Also mini.  Definitely deviled.  Scrambled with cheese.  Pretty much any way but runny.  Because ew.

What book are you currently reading? Should I read it?

I’m in between.  I just finished A Visit From the Goon Squad which was badass.  I have been trying to read Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff, but I just can’t get into it.

Did you have an imaginary friend? What was his/her name?

I had a whole host of imaginary friends.  It started with my herd of imaginary horses that I had to care for and exercise every day.  It became a whole community of fairies that lived in the Girl Scout tree on Swan Lake lawn on the campus of the cult where I grew up and now houses the Biggest Loser Ranch.  I really miss those fairies.  Wonder what they’re up to these days.

What is your guiltiest pleasure, keeping in mind I’m Prudy McPruderson, Mayor of Prudeville?

As much as I want to freak your prudish freak the internet is mos def my guiltiest pleasure with Tootsie Rolls and The Voice following close behind.  #oldandlame

If you could have any job in the whole wide world, what would it be?

Blogger.  Like for dolla dolla bills, y’all.  Or gift cards for IHOP.

Do you watch Toddlers & Tiaras?

Hell no, I grew up in Texas.  Those bitches be scary.  You don’t want to have too much on them or you might just go up in a puff of hairspray and fire.

What CD is in your CD player? (Do you still have one of those? If not, what was the last song played on your MP3 player? Should I be listening to them/her/him/it?)

I have a CD player in my car and my laptop plays CD’s, but I usually listen to itunes, Youtube, Spotify or Pandora.  Earlier tonight I played a little Bob Marley for the kid.  He’s a Buffalo Soldier in the heart of America, yo.

Shoes: off at the door, or wear ‘em through the house?

Take them OFF.  PLZ and TY.  I rock these at home.

Women's Daybreak Slides, Dog Motif

Friday Fluff – WWYD

What badass mamajama started the Friday Fluff craze that’s sweeping the nation?  Lisa from Seeking Elevation, that’s who.  Read her often hilarious, totally irreverent and always honest replies to surveys posted to Quizopolis.com.  And join in.  I double dog dare ya.

This week’s survey was created by:  Blankenstein (surprisingly enough no one wanted to take credit for this masterpiece, so I have chosen a name for them)

flowers, purple, painting, simple, canvas - Purple Flowers II

Art by elisaann

 What would you do if:

 

Stranded in a forest alone

It’s difficult to imagine being stranded anywhere what with all the different ways we have of communicating.  It might actually be nice.  It’s also difficult to imagine being alone.  Like completely alone?  Or alone WITH child?  Because my answers would likely be very different.  One would probably be peaceful and idyllic.  The other might resemble Lord of the Flies.  

Sensed someone stalking you

http://youtu.be/MILArKLKUEk

You suddenly developed superhuman strength

FINALLY.  Jeez.  

You saw a dead cat

When I was a kid at the thrill kill cult we were told to say, back to the Great Central Sun(who apparently now has a Myspace, which has disturbed me in a way only a fellow M.I. survivor can truly understand.  I mean, get with the program, GCS, Facebook is where it’s at for recruiting sheep these days.), when we killed a bug or saw a dead animal.  I’m not exactly sure what this was supposed to do for the poor creature.  Probably something to do with preparing them for the next incarnation.  I still worry about the state of their soul should I forget.  

You saw a dead human

When I was young and stupid and high on life(drugs), I had a friend who briefly dated some dude that worked at a funeral home in downtown Houston.  We spent some after hours time X’ing(what we called it before rolling, kids) our balls off in a place crawling with dead bodies.  Which hopefully were not actually crawling.  Bee tee dubbenstein, my love of zombies is highly romanticized and in no way an indication of my actual thoughts and/or actions should the bastards begin to roam the land.

Anyway, those dead bodies were not cool.  They were sad, old peeps.  They creeped me out and did not mix well with the peaceloveandunderstanding of a person in the grips of an Ecstasy high.  Word to the wise, do NOT use the dead, or the undead for that matter, as a tool of the woo.  It’s not taking you anywhere you want to go.  

Someone anonymously send a love note

Is someone sending it to me?  Am I sending it?  

If someone sent it to me I’d think, aw geez, how nice.  And then fixate on who it could be from until I figured it out or bled out the ears trying.  If I sent it to someone, I’d probably be in the market for a good divorce attorney.  Either situation ends in shit.  Love can kill, yo.

You become blind

That would suck, dude.  I would miss a lot of shit.  But I guess I would adapt.  There are a shit ton of resources out there for peeps that are differently abled.  

But hopefully I would go all Daredevil minus the whole revenge/vigilante thing.  Super senses and a kick ass crime fighting costume are kind of my dream come true.

The creepy thing is that I am currently listening to Sesame Street which is all about eyes today.  Is this ominous?  I can’t tell anymore.  

Your car breaks down beside a graveyard

Call AAA.  Assess the perimeter for the undead.  

Your bestfriend calls you at 4am

Smack a bitch.  Realistically I wouldn’t hear it so I wouldn’t be able to deal with it until the morning.  Fyi, if you really need something at 4am call someone else.  

You could bring back anyone from 6 feet under

I have read all of Stephen King’s early books like seventeen times.  I know how this story ends and I’m not ready to be a ironic example of stupidity quite yet.

Someone kept staring at you

Twitch uncomfortably, sneak glances at them, fixate on why they must be staring, end up screaming Doublya Tee Effers wildly across the room.

Someone ate your lunch

Why you do this?  My belleh is so empteh.

You’re at a stranger’s funeral

Be respectful, give my sympathies to the family, bring food, feel incredibly uncomfortable, leave quickly.

You got 100 free spray cans

Of what?  Is this a drug thing?  Because I gave that shit up in the early 90′s.  Or is this a tagger thing?  Because I never picked that shit up.  Either way I’m probably giving it away because I have no use or room for it.

A horse came chasing after you

http://youtu.be/MILArKLKUEk

Friday Fluff – Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

What badass mamajama started the Friday Fluff craze that’s sweeping the nation?  Lisa from Seeking Elevation, that’s who.  Read her often hilarious, totally irreverent and always honest replies to surveys posted to Quizopolis.com.  And join in.  I double dog dare ya.

This week’s survey was created by:  R!0

flowers, purple, painting, simple, canvas - Purple Flowers II

Art by elisaann

Have you ever flirted with your best friend’s bf/gf?

That would be a resounding hell to the naw.  I can’t abide that.  There was a crazy night in Cali in the way back when there was confusion about that particular issue which resulted in some wild, drunk shenanigans.  All of that without any actual illicit behavior.  I can only imagine the Springer like proportions should there have been.

Do you think that you’re all that and your probably really not?

I really do not.  I am fully aware of the really not.

Have you gotten beat up before. Tell the truth.

There have been some physical incidents with various people throughout the years, but beat up?  No.

Are you smart or are you dumb?

I am smarter than whichever tiny dancer came up with this gem, but dumber than I used to be.  Also dumber than I’d like to be, but too smart to be truly happy.  

If you’re a girl, do you scratch your boobs when nobody’s looking?

The most satisfying thing ever is slipping off the bra at the end of the night and giving them a good scratch down.  But I’ve been known to scratch them pretty much anywhere other than a job interview if there’s an itch that needs tending.

Have you ever wanted to have sex with your own gender?

No.  I’ve definitely been drawn to certain women at certain times and have Katy Perry’ed a time or two, but it turns out it’s just not my thing. 

Are you liking this survey so far?

-10 points for insecurity and neediness.

Do you have alot of friends or are you nobody at school?

I have friends.  I wouldn’t say a lot.  I really wouldn’t say alot.  

Are you annoying to most people?

Seeing as most people bug the living shit out of me, it’s fairly probable that it’s reciprocal.

Can you take the truth, no matter what it is?

I’m going to say no because this sounds both horrific and dire.  But the truth is I always prefer the truth.  The truth can never be as fucked up as the things you imagine the truth to be when having little information to work with.

Would you go suicidal if someone in your family died?

Maybe homicidal if there was foul play involved.  I think I’m past the suicidal era of my life.  At least I fucking hope so.  But I would be very, very sad.

Is there somebody in your life you hate at this point?

Rick Perry.  George Bush.  Whoever it was that decided it was a good idea to end Lost.  But if you mean an actual person, no.  I have moments of rage and hate, but it requires way more energy to maintain than I have on my best day.  Not to mention sucking the happy right out of my face.

Are you dreading something right now?

I am dreading pretty much everything these days except couching it and the warm glowing warming glow.  It’s called the SADs people.  I haz some.

While taking this, did you start thinking about your true self?

I starting thinking, Self, why do you subject me to this inanity on the weekly?  

Would you date somebody on Valentine’s Day just to get something for Valentine’s?

This is a good idea in theory, but in all of my romantic career I’ve not had suitors that were much in the present giving department.  As in, they didn’t give them.  To me.  Without some pretty consistent prompting.  So likely any dude I’d choose to date would hit me up for a loan and dinner at The Sizzler.  

My husband has kind of rocked it out the past few years though.  I much prefer him to dating.  Although there is a lot less lingerie and a lot more wild body hair going on.  Mine.  Obvi.  Still prefer.

Have you ever broke somebody’s heart and didn’t care?

I don’t think I ever broke anyone’s heart, but I have hurt people.  I definitely cared.  What kind of fucker doesn’t care?  Nazis.

Did you go to Pre-K?

Really, R!o?  This is how you want to go out?  Alrighty then.

I did go to Pre-K.  At a school in Omaha, NE called the New School.  It was a hippie dippy free balling sort of school that had a loft area and a slide.  In the classroom.  It was pretty fucking rad.  My mom worked there as a part time art teacher, or maybe she was a volunteer.  Once she had us cut out scenes from those foam trays they wrap meat in and then dip them in paint and use as stamps.  It was cool as shit.  There was a library upstairs and some rando kid stabbed me in the ankle with his pencil while we were up there reading.  I still have the lead mark.  Which actually explains a lot.

I ended up doing the undergrad thang at The New School in NYC.  Which was also sort of hippie dippy in the way that liberal arts schools are.  No math requirements and fill that sched up with Lit classes.  Right up my alley.  And fairly close to Magnolia Bakery for all my sugar high requirements.

Full circle, yo.

Friday Fluff – Yum, Ignorant Bones

What badass mamajama started the Friday Fluff craze that’s sweeping the nation?  Lisa from Seeking Elevation, that’s who.  Read her often hilarious, totally irreverent and always honest replies to surveys posted to Quizopolis.com.  And join in.  I double dog dare ya.

This week’s survey was created by:  LoLgUrLiE

flowers, purple, painting, simple, canvas - Purple Flowers II

Art by elisaann

Do you have a crush right now?

I think I’ve discussed this a time or two.

What is your favorite color?

Green.

What about your favorite animal?


Choose one … ;) =) >:D :-{D

I don’t know where one begins and the next ends.  How about ( .Y. )

Did you ever have an F on your report card?

Fuck no.  But I got a C once.  As a grade.  In Counseling 101.  Shut up.  I don’t want to talk about it.  But it involved one of the worst, most rambling, ancient teachers I’ve ever had and a few absences.  Due to my roommate’s lukemia.  And it kept me .02 away from graduating with honors.  #scarredforlife

What about straight A’s

I got a lot of A’s.  I got a lot of B’s once I realized that I could do pretty freaking well at the very last minute.  #underachiever 

If you could go back in time and change one thing that you did, what would it be?

I would choose not to answer this survey.

Do you enjoy singing?

Aw, yeah.

If so, has anyone ever told you that you can sing well?

No one that has ears or is able in any way to interpret sound.

Again…Choose one…<3 , ><> , * , @(^_^)@

8===D

Are you listening to music right now?

Nope.

If so, what song are you listening to?

If not, what song do you WANT to be listening to?

Anything other than what I am listening to.  Maybe this.  She makes me want to fuck shit up.  


What is your favorite subject in school?

English/Lit.  Kinda a gimme.  But I also loved my Psychobiology of Addiction class and all of my Cultural Anthropology classes.  I started out as an Anthro major.  Wanted to live with the gorillas.  Like Jane Goodall.  But with gorillas.

What is the month of your birthday?

November

Do you like country music?

There is a very specific window in time(early 90′s) from which I know and love many country songs.  I did partially grow up in Texas and you can’t really escape the exposure no matter how hard you try.  And this song was the country story of my life.  Dig on the pre-polish Faith Hill, yo.

What about rock?

Oh yeah.  That’s what I’m talking about.  Stones, Beatles, Zepp, Jimi, The Who.  I love them all.

….rap?

I’m unclear on the line between rap and hip-hop.  Either way, I’m kicking it old school.  The Beasties, Jay, Run DMC, LL, Dre, Snoop, Biggie.  It’s all good baby, baby.

I draw the line at Tupac.  Dude was mad smart, yo, and full up with talent.  But he squandered it with a life full or rage and aggression and glamorized the Thug Life for generations of kids coming up through the shit.  Convicted of sexual abuse of a woman, shot a cop, was connected to the accidental death(by stray bullet) of a child.  This is not a role model.  He sickens me.  

If you had to eat one fruit for a month straight…what would it be? oranges, bananas, grapes, apples, or kiwi? (or other)

Am I ONLY eating this fruit?  Because, if so, this is my nightmare.  The only fruits I really eat are apples and raisins.  And then only by default or diet constraints.  

Do you like roses or tulips better?

Tulips.

QUICK THINK OF A NAME!!!

Steven

Was the name that you just thought of a member of your family?

No.

What about a close friend?

No.

Ok…what about your crush?

No.  It’s probably because I just finished watching American Idol and Steven Tyler is a lascivious old fuck.  Don’t give me any shit about watching it, they had me at bipolar and kept me at Jairon.  

Do you watch SpongeBob?

Fuck no.  I prefer my animation not be in the form of a mouth-breathing, ignorant Appalachian hillbilly nerd from under the sea. 

What is the name of your best friend?

My best friend is Dani.  My bff is Elisa.  My bestie is Crystal.  My homegirl is Andrea.  Then there’s these two girls in my Tribe.  It takes a village.  

Do you like fish or chicken more?

Gross.

Are you a vegatarian?

I’m a vegetarian.  

What about your steak…Rare, Medium, or Well done (for me … well done :P)

So not only are you eating a hunk of cow flesh that will sit in your colon for time untold, but your ingesting a fuckton of carcinogens from overcooking it.  Nice work.

I eat my steak in the form of tofu.

Did you like this random survey?

I like picking the bones of ignorant teenagers who can’t spell out of my teeth.  So yes, yes I did.

Last thing…..Pick a # out of these… 1,2,4,7,14

,,!,,

Hello, My Name Is

So you know how I write responses for the Trifecta Writing Challenge?  When I can get my lazy rear in gear, that is.  Well, this is get to know you sesh for all the peeps that contribute over there.   Check out their answers too, they’re really not that intimidating.  Or at least they don’t appear to be through internet vision.  And join in while you’re at it.  You know you got the writing in you.

What is your name (real or otherwise)?

My birth name was Kristina Louise Haas.  Now I’m Joules Louise Freiboth.  Otherwise known as LucidLotusLife, Lulo, Ju, Mommy, Babes, Krissy Teeny Weeny, Hey You, Ma’am and other such endearments.
 
Describe your writing style in three words. 

Bad.  Ass.  Does that count as one or two?  I’m never quite sure.
If we’re talking about my typical fare I’d say flip, ironic and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants.  If we’re talking about the resurgence of my ‘creative’(gag) writing, I’d say fledgling, succinct and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants.

How long have you been writing online?

January 1st was one year.  Holla.

 Which, if any, other writing challenges do you participate in? 

None.  I didn’t even remember that I loved to write and had been writing since I could correctly manipulate a pencil until Lisa woke me up.  I think about Velvet Verbosity’s 100 Words challenge and then I go, ooh shiny, and throw up some dumb video.  (Editor’s note: This video is not at all dumb, but totally fucking awesomesauce on toast with a side of rad)

Describe one way in which you could improve your writing. 

I could write more than 150 words in a row.  Without using the word yo.

What is the best writing advice you’ve ever been given? 

 

The first draft of anything is shit.  Ernest Hemingway

I actually stole that entire thing from Lisa’s because I’ve been led to believe that writing on the internet is more about using someone else’s shit and giving them credit for it.  Or not giving them credit for it.

Actually it hit me pretty hard in the gut because I NEVER write more than one draft, ergo all my shit is actually shit.  Bummer.  But a motivational bummer.

Who is your favorite author? 

I’m going to be honest here instead of saying something like, yer mom or the guy who wrote the Mcdonald’s I’m Lovin It catchphrase.  This question is scarier than Borat’s balls because of all the Real Writers who will say shit like Nietzsche or Dostoevsky or fill in the blank of some super fantastico writer I’ve never heard of.  But I haven’t read those dudes, although I’m sure they’re amazeballs.  And my tastes appear far more plebeian.

I don’t know that I actually have a favorite anymore, although Stephen King ruled my teens and twenties.  Probably the closest thing to a favorite would be Neil Gaiman, but more for his comics than his books.  Not that his books are shite, but because I’ve only read a few of them.  And because Sandman is balls out epic.  I also love Brian Michael Bendis.  He is both prolific and as funny as they come.  I also love Orson Scott Card, Ray Bradbury, Kurt Vonnegut and John Irving.  And Amanda Boyden.  Why doesn’t that chick write more books?

How do you make time to write?

I don’t.  This is why I have missed several Trifecta deadlines and end up posting ridiculous videos at the last minute.

(Editor’s note: This video is absolutely ridiculous and has been verified as such)

Give us one word we should consider using as a prompt. 

Since handjob is not currently recognized by Merriam Webster and the other two I came up with, succulent and salacious, don’t qualify due to only having two definitions, how about beast?

Direct us to one blog post of yours that we shouldn’t miss reading.

Good lord, self-promotion?  Awkward.  Why don’t you read through my entire history and point out the ones you think are most worthy?  We’re only talking 400 posts or so?  No?  Well then, hmm.  If you absolutely insist I’ll go with this onebecause getting it out there again keeps me honest and spits in the face of that bastard, depression, once again.  And all without the word yo.  Sort of miraculous.

Friday Fluff – The Totality Of The Random

What badass mamajama started the Friday Fluff craze that’s sweeping the nation?  Lisa from Seeking Elevation, that’s who.  Read her often hilarious, totally irreverent and always honest replies to surveys posted to Quizopolis.com.  And join in.  I double dog dare ya.

This week’s survey was created by:  bonkadonks92

flowers, purple, painting, simple, canvas - Purple Flowers II

Art by elisaann

Hola como estas?

 

Siéntete.  Vamanos.  Queso.  Por favor.  Guacamole.  Culo.  Puta.

Aced Spanish I and that’s all I got.

 

What are you obsessed with?

Handjobs. 

What do you dip your chicken nuggets in?

I don’t eat nuggets.  I eat Gardein crispy tenders.  And I would drown those fuckers in ranch were I not currently in the grips of the Watchers of the Weight.  Or Mae Ploy sauce.  

Semi-related, Bubs dips his berries in ketchup.  Grody.  To the max, yo.

What was the last road trip you went on?

From Houston to Denton, TX with my dad and my kid.  I know how to party, y’all.  You know what rocked my socks on this trip? The freaking rest stop.  #blewmeaway  We’re currently saving up our nickels and dimes for a trip back.  Feel free to donate.

Large, heated common area with vending machines and wifi.  Even a table with plugin to work on your lappie.  And only one completely clean, but a little bit jumpy, ‘working gal’.

The nicest, cleanest, most sumptuous bathroom ever to grace a rest area.  Complete with real mirrors, working hand dryers AND soap(not that powdered pink shit from days gone by).  There was even a person there cleaning the already pristine room.

A motherfucking playground.  With that springy, bouncy stuff as flooring.  You know the stuff you step on and your whole body cries in relief from the aches and pains you weren’t even aware you had until they were gone?  Also, three separate, covered eating areas.  And a paved 1/2 mile walking path.

That how Texas do.

 

When’s the last time you dance with someone?

I danced with Bubs today.  Other than that, it’s been a looong time.  I don’t dance like no one’s watching when I know they’re fucking watching.  Or if I think they might be able to.

What’s your favorite show?

I have to choose?  What are the parameters?  Like favorite show EVER?  Or favorite current show?  Oh shit, we could be here all week.  Too much pressure.  Favorites include, but are not limited to, House, Simpsons, Parks and Rec, Northern Exposure, Shameless.

If you could visit anywhere, where would you visit?

Hong Kong.  I’ve never been and I hear they have some killer dragonfruit.  

What’s your ringtone?

Do people still have ringtones?  It  just seems so 2003.  I had the Muppets theme back then.  Now it’s always on vibrate.  Because things that vibrate are awesome.

What’s the wallpaper on your cell phone?

I love that he looks like a tiny Hare Krishna advertising Fiber One bars, but not happy at all about it.

Who is the 6th text message in yur inbox from?

One of my nearest and dearest.  My sister from another mister.  The keeper of secrets, the toddler and teenage tamer, the girl who’s just as fly as any white guy.  Also, a self-proclaimed lady in the streets and freak in the bed.  

Go to your pictures…what is the 33rd pic of?

Y’all.  I have 1,900 pictures on my phone.  This was around 6 months.  The kid is almost three.  Send tech help now plz.  But omg, srsly kewt.

Whose your 78th contact in your phone?

BFF Cell.  No freaking lie.  That’s kismet or some shit.  

Whose your favorite character from The Office?

Teevee favorites are hard.  *whiny voice*  *stamps foot*  Kevin or Jim.  

Have you seen every episode starting from Season 1?

Yes.  I jumped on the bandwagon late, but with both feet and guns blazing.  Fully submerged through DVD, which is really the way to go.  ONE MORE.  

What color is your hair?

Bray.

Favorite quote?

Everyday I’m hustlin’.  Word, life

What kind of car do you have?

Honda CR-V.  Green, full of kid related shit, dirty as fuck.  My husband calls it a shitbox.

What makes you laugh?

My husband.  Lisa.  The New Girl.  Eddie Izzard.  The Bloggess.  Mitch Hedberg.  This chick.  Dr. Katz.  

This guy.

Whats the last movie you saw in theatres?

I just saw Contraband with my bestie on $5 Tuesday.  It was decent enough for an action movie, but the goddamn camera work made me physically ill halfway in.  So I spent the second half, pukey and freezing(wtf, Regal Cinema?  A/C in freaking January?) and listening to the movie rather than watching it.  I blame Marky Mark.  For this and for SO much more.

If you could co-star in a movie with any actor/actress you would it be?

The movie in which I make out with Ewan McGregor.  For several hours.

Whats your favorite article of clothing?

Are boots considered clothing?  Because my dad bought me some Uggs a few years ago and I wear them every.single.day in the fall/winter.  They are so warm and toasty.  My dad also bought me a Columbia coat for my birthday and it is freaking badass.  It is super thin, but has this silvery stuff on the inside that reflects back your body heat and keeps you all roasty toasty.  And, this is the best thing ever, it has these little holes in the sleeves to put your thumbs through so your hands stay warm too.  Genius. 

What were you doing on New Years?

Me and the husband watched Hot Fuzz and I fell asleep early.  I was awakened at 5 til midnight by his alarm and we watched the ball drop.  I hate New Year’s.  It’s so lame.  And the ball sucks ass.  

GASP! LOOK! WHAT’S BEHIND YOU?!

The five pillows stabilizing my head to hopefully ward off the insane tension pain I have been having recently.  Certainly not gasp worthy.

What are you looking forward too?

I’m looking forward to you figuring out which words actually go where.  And the Mayan apocalypse.  It’s been a full three months without rapture jokes.  I’m in withdrawal.   

Are you the life of the party?

I am not.

Finish this sentence…You are______

If you could meet Barack Obama, what would you ask him?

Boxers or briefs?

Pop Tarts or Toaster Struddles?

I can see the value in both, but haven’t had either in years.  I was moderately obsessed with Pop Tarts in the early 90′s.  But I was also obsessed with cocaine so I wouldn’t consider any of my decisions during that time period as particularly discerning.

Dark Chocolate or Milk Chocolate?

The darker the berry the sweeter the juice.  Chocolate comes from berries, right?

Truth or Dare?

Truth=life.

Do you kiss your mom with that mouth?

Yikes.  No.

Your getting chased by the Easter Bunny! What do you do?!

Gank him and make fondue out of his stash.  He’s a fucking bunny.  C’mon. 

Whats in your junk drawer?

I don’t have so much a junk drawer as a junk basement.  And, believe you me, you do NOT want to know what’s in there.  *slowly backs away*

Whats something about you that no one knows?

Oh, okay, right.  Well, I once

What kinda phone do you have?

iphone 4.  Not the cool new one that has Tom Cruise’s daughter trapped inside.  Although I’d like to have that because have you read her Tumblr?  Bitch be funny, yo. 

Whats the wallpaper on your computer?

The Windows 7 default.  My husband finally updated me from the horrific Vista and I forgot all about wallpapering it.

Do you dance when nobody’s watching?

ONLY when no one’s watching.  Or when Bubs is watching.  He likes all my moves, no matter how awkward or ridic.

What’s your race?

I am a white woman trapped in the body of another white woman.  Help.

Whose your loudest friend?

My girl from the way back.  I call her Dre.  She IS the life of the party and a damn fine woman and friend.  She can get rowdy.  I love her.

When your having a party, who definitely has to be there?

My clan is small and spread across the globe.  So whichever of them happen to be in my corner of the world must attend.

Whats the best food combo?

Garlic, butter, pasta/bread

Cheese + pretty much anything

Ranch + almost anything

When you need someone to talk to, who do you go to?

I got a tribe, yo.  They live in my computer.  It’s working out pretty well so far.

Whats your favorite band(s)?

I dunno.  I love the Beatles, Otis, Erasure, Band of Horses, John Denver, Northern State.

What song do you want played at your funeral?

Your mom goes to college!

Balls out awesome!

Dose Of Happy – Fly Free

Over at Band Back Together we’re feeling like we want to junk punch the next person who asks us if we have a case of the Mondays.  So instead of doing the time in the resulting anger management program, we decided to take Monday back.  So we’re linking up our Dose of Happy posts and bringing the awesome back to Mondays.  You can play too.  Now get  your happy on.

My truck loving, Lego obsessed, superhero son was so excited to go to his friend’s birthday party and be a butterfly.  He chose the pink wings and the gold antennae.

Even more awesome than this was the fact that the paparazzi hating punk not only posed for a picture, he ASKED to have his picture taken.  Well, holy shit, I guess the hundreds of dollars spent on camera equipment and the late nights at class learning to take better snaps might actually pay off after all.