Top Ten Questions About Books I'm Not Writing

Lisa tagged me in some challenge to answer ten questions about my novel.  For those of you playing along at home, I’m not writing a novel.  Because I believe that leaving a game of tag before tagging someone else is where can i buy real viagra bad form, and because I’d rather be answering questions about the novel I’m not writing than actually writing, survey says, ding ding ding, I’m answering.

What is the working title of your book?

The working title of the book I am not writing is Shine.  There is almost no chance of it turning into a book.  But it could be several to many pages of lovely description of an alternate universe.

I’m also writing something else, mostly autobiographical.  Because who isn’t interested in the life and stylings of a middle aged hausfrau with depression.  With music, television and pop culture references thrown in as background chatter.

Where did the idea for your book come from?

The idea came from being a sad panda living in a land where the sun don’t shine much six months out of the year.

Same, same.

What genre does your book fall under?

Science fiction.


Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition? 

Catherine Keener.  I only have one character so far.  Because it’s not a book.

Mary Louise Parker.  Jake Gyllenhaal.  The kid from the Shining.  Other peeps.  Andy Rooney.  Wait, he’s not an actor.  Also, dead.  Mickey Rooney.  Um, dead.  Rooney Mara.  Why the fuck not?

What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?

This book does not now, and will not ever, exist.

My whole life is a dark room.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Oh, they’ll be clubbing each other to death over this one.


How long did it take you to write the first draft of your novel?

Right now I have exactly 1308 words.  That’s like what?  5 pages?  Took me two days.

This one has 521 words.  Two pages.  One day.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Did you ever see that Wim Wenders movie, Until the End of the World.  No?  I think it was only seen by me and my dear, sweet artist friend Vince.  But that’s the kind of world I envision when I think about Shine.

Nick Cave.  Swoon.

Girl, Interrupted meets Running With Scissors.  But less funny.  And with more drugs.  Also, a cult.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Depression inspired me.  And trying to escape the gray and rainys by traveling to Texas only to have them follow me there.

People say I’ve lived an interesting life.  I think of this book as the assessment information my next therapist will require.

What else about your book might pique the readers interest?

Burger and fries to the first five hundred people to give an accurate total of handjob references.

Now it’s my turn to tag.  I’m tagging two Trifectans, one long standing member and one n00b, because I think they’re both balls out awesome and I can’t wait to read any book they write.  Linda Vernon and Draug, you be tagged.

3 thoughts on “Top Ten Questions About Books I'm Not Writing

  1. AHA! Now I’ve got the info. I love that they’ll be clubbing each other over these books. That’s EXACTLY how I feel about my book.

    Depression blows ass, too. I thought I’d throw that in for good measure.

  2. I love reading about handjobs and would LOVE to read your autobiography.
    We have 7 million dvds because we have no cable, and in an effort to have a chance in hell of finding the dvd we’re looking for they’re in piles according to their genre. Comedy, Action, Lame As Shit, (J named that pile, Twilight is in it.) anyway, Beetlejuice is in the kids appropriate pile. It’s not really kids appropriate, but we watch it as a family anyway.
    Sad Pandas UNITE!!

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