Food Stuffs – Spicy Muffins and Sweet Balls

So, I’m not much of a cook.  I like to cook in theory, but I’m motherfucking tired, yo.  Throw in a heaping helping of lazy and you get microwaved meals and takeout more often than practical or healthy.  But sometimes I get a wild hair and make stuff.  Usually the night before a potluck or holiday party.

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This 4th of July, we had a block party shindig with my mamas with babies group.  So of course I decided to make two things I’d never made before and my standard bring along, doctored up boxed pasta salad.  They all turned out pretty damn well and so I thought I’d bust a P-Dub move and give you the recipes.

First up are The Hummingbird Bakery’s Feta, Cheddar and Spinach Muffins.  They’re located in London, so clearly I’ve never been there.  I’ve never really been anywhere except Canada which doesn’t really count because it was either a)a million years ago when I was sick and we were on some private island off of Toronto or b)one frenzied albeit awesome evening in Victoria during my wedding cruise.  But the bakery is supposed to be rad so go there when in London and buy tons of goodies.  Send some to me if you are so inclined.  Tell them the muffins rule.

I got the this recipe from I Like Ginger Biscuits, who’s just about the cutest.  She’s also from England which means she probably says things like blooming blighter and bint and trollop and cock-up.  I’m actually certain she doesn’t say any of those things, because she looks much too young and lovely and not a character straight out of My Fair Lady.  Although I wish she was because I loved that movie like whoa and how gorge is Audrey and I can still sing all the words to Without You without Googling.  FOCUS.  The English bit also means she uses metric like she’s somehow better than us, what with her more efficient measurement system and all.  Snobby Brits.

Trying to convert from metric to US is worse than trying to fit a size ten rear in a size 4 set of bloomers.  But I did it for you.  You can shower me with good will and internets now.  I also changed it up a tinch because I like spicy things in mah mouth hole.  And now, no more words but food words.

Super Fantastic Spicy Yum Sauce Cheese and Spinach Muffins

1 1/2 cups flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 cup cheddar cheese
1/2 cup feta cheese
1/2 cup spinach
1 egg
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 chopped onion
2 tablespoons butter

Preheat oven to 338 degrees.

Saute onion in butter until softened.

Mix dry ingredients.  In a separate bowl whisk egg and milk.  Mix the wet and dry ingredients.  Chiffonade(haha, suck it snobby Brits!  I know food words) the spinach and add to the mix along with onion and cheese.

Bake for 30 minutes in cupcake liners.

Stuff in yer mouth hole if you like spicy things.

If your mouth hole prefers the sweet, I’ve got you covered.  In addition to those rad muffins I also made Cake Bob-ombs(also known much less interestingly as cake balls).  They were mos def the bob-omb.  Which is nothing at all like being the bomb.  They are also super dee duper, freakballs easy.

Cake Bob-ombs

1 box cake mix
whatever ingredients are required to bake cake, usually eggs and oil
1 can frosting
1 package Wilton candy melts or chocolate
1 teaspoon Crisco(gag)

Choose any cake and frosting flavor combo your little heart craves.  My fav so far is strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting.  Bake according to the directions on the box

Let cool slightly.  Take a fork and rake over cake until it’s a big pile of crumbs.  I stay away from the edges and the bottom and pick out the big bits of the browned top purely for aesthetics, but if you don’t mind a muddled look you can use every scrap of it.

Mix cake crumbs and about half the frosting tub in a big bowl until combined.  You don’t want it too wet because the balls won’t stick together as well.

Roll the balls.  Roll them between your hands.  Make those balls nice and round and equal in shape and size.  You should end up with between 30-50 balls.  Pop a naked ball in your mouth.  Yum, yum, yum, delicioso!

Chill the balls in the fridge for about 30 minutes.

After the balls are chilled dump the candy or chocolate(I prefer the Wilton vanilla flavor candy melts.  They sell them at Michael’s and Jo-ann’s.) into a microwave safe bowl with the Crisco(gag).  The Crisco helps it get to the right texture of meltiness.  Heat on 50% power for 1 minute.  Stir well.  Heat on high for 30 seconds or more until completely melted.  Do NOT overheat chocolate.  It scorches mad easy and you’ll have to toss it as it gets too hard to be usable.

Dip the balls in the candy and roll around to coat completely.  Place on wax paper or cookie sheet.  If using chocolate, cool in fridge for 15 minutes until set.  Don’t store them there though or they’ll sweat when you take them out.

Insert dressed ball in mouth.  Send thanks in the form of good will and shiny internets.  Will also accept hugs(not drugs), Tootsie Rolls and cold, hard cash.  None of that warm, soft stuff.  And please, no more unicorn poop.  We are swimming in the stuff.

7 thoughts on “Food Stuffs – Spicy Muffins and Sweet Balls

        1. If I was still in Brooklyn, I’d hop right over. I’m in Oregon these days so it would be quite a haul. I am dying to get back east though.

          1. I thought you lived in OR, but then I realized that I also think I’ve turned on the oven when I haven’t. So I thought I’d better check that we couldn’t get together for lunch!

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