It’s getting real up in this bitch. And when I say bitch I am referring to Conda, the uber bitch contestant on this season of The Biggest Loser. If you know anything about me, you probably know that a)I grew up in a cult on what is now the Biggest Loser Ranch and b)that I motherfucking love BL.
Perhaps it’s because my own lifelong weight struggles began on the same soil now occupied by those fighting to get their asses off. Perhaps it’s a voyeuristic trip down memory lane(actually no perhaps about it, I pause all the time to get a better look at the aerial views of the whole property or the rare glimpses inside the Novitiate). Perhaps it’s my barely conscious desire to lose the weight now and forever and change my life. Yet again.
I can tell you what it most assuredly is NOT. And that is some sick desire to see squabbles and drama played out on my flat screen. America, or maybe the whole fucking world, may enjoy the trivialities and mind erasing banality of whatever reality stars are up to on the daily(and I know y’all do or else we wouldn’t continue to be inundated by the superficial, inane bullshit perpetrated by the entire Kardashian crew and the endless parade of jacked up Housewives of Who Gives A Shit), but when I watch BL I am really watching to see these peeps lose weight, change their lives and inspire themselves and others. There is enough drama in that, in my opinion.
But, so often, we have to suffer through the whiny bitch who wheedles and manipulates and plays the game. And this years whiny bitch is Conda. She cries and complains and talks shit and yet no one, save the poor doomed Aqua team, seems to see or care. She manipulated her(new!) team into throwing the weigh-in(sabotaging THEMSELVES) to earn the privelege to kick out the new girl. Of course, new girl Daphne done wrong with making a stupid emotional decision and thereby putting revenge above her own weight loss. But she had a right to be pissed to begin with because she and her brother were judged and shunned from their return to the Ranch. And who led the witch-hunt? Bitch ass Conda, obvi.
Conda now finds herself on the Black Team with some really sweet chicks who I am hoping will be able to see through the bullshit and banish the bitch. I mean, can’t we all just get along? I was spoiled by Season 12 which was chock full of awesome. When it all just gets too much, I just have to take a step back and look at this.
Why hello there, Mr. Trainer Man. How you doin’? I love me some Bob Harper, but what is the male equivalent of hello, nurse? Because brother is pretty.
In other equally important news from reality, I am officially retired as an American Idol viewer after watching the unholy mess that was Hollywood week. Totally ridic. But I can’t get enough of The Voice. I have big love for all the coaches – Adam, the cocky, tattooed little leprechaun; Christina, with her Voice Of Power and her Boobs That Will Not Be Tamed; Cee Lo, the smooth Buddha man who turns sexual harassment into a tool of seduction; and my favOreet Blake, who perfectly blends his down home mix of arrogance, humor and genuineness into a big ole, severely appealing cocktail. Plus, the whole tall drink of water kinda works for him.
There was some controversy about some statements Randy Jackson, famous shit talker of Idol, had made about The Voice. He called the show second rate and said that the Idol rejects could win The Voice. Adam fired back on The Ellen Show that every artist deserves as many chances as they can get and that Idol was actually Randy’s second chance so he should get it. Randy soft balled it on Ellen by saying that he just meant to point out that the shows are different because Idol is finding new talent as opposed to recycling possibly flawed talent. But the judges on Idol are always talking about how one performance can make all the difference and people can suck one time and kick ass the next, so how does all that information jibe?
My money’s on The Voice. There’s a fun energy between the coaches and it’s different enough to be entertaining in its own right(unlike the horribly boring X Factor). Last season had some amazeballs performers and Dia Frampton, like a crazy diamond, shone on. Again in my opinion. I can’t wait to see what will be thrown into the ring this season. Especially after performances like this one.