Monthly Archives: February 2012

Dose Of Happy – Remix Revolution

Over at Band Back Together we’re feeling like we want to junk punch the next person who asks us if we have a case of the Mondays.  So instead of doing the time in the resulting anger management program, we decided to take Monday back.  So we’re linking up our Dose of Happy posts and bringing the awesome back to Mondays.  You can play too.  Now get  your happy on.

Zomgs, y’all.  This is my ultimate happy place and favOreet mashup EVAH.  If I could live inside this video forever I totally would.

And what makes me even happier in the pants than that is the remix responses from all over the world(see Youtube page and click show more for the listings).  You could even add one of your own.  In fact, please do.  That would make my happy grow three sizes, at the very least.  Remix revolution, y’all.

Friday Fluff – Verry Innteresting

What badass mamajama started the Friday Fluff craze that’s sweeping the nation?  Lisa from Seeking Elevation, that’s who.  Read her often hilarious, totally irreverent and always honest replies to surveys posted to Quizopolis.com.  And join in.  I double dog dare ya.

This week’s survey was created by:  torpor97

flowers, purple, painting, simple, canvas - Purple Flowers II

Art by elisaann

Do you think people are good?

I vacillate on this subject.  I have witnessed unbelievable acts of generosity, compassion and humanity.  I have also been exposed to horrific atrocities perpetrated by those entrusted with the care of those who cannot care for themselves.  I believe that we all have the monster inside of us.  Most of us don’t let it out. 

Do you like meeting people?

Hell no.  I hate meeting people.  Until after I have suffered the anxiety of having to meet someone, made uncomfortable small talk and eventually settled on something to connect with them about.  Then I think people are pretty dope.  But the meeting part can suck my ass.

Do you shake hands?

Sure, in the expected situations.  

I lived for a long time in Brooklyn and interacted with a lot of Hasidic people.  Hasidic men will not shake a women’s hand or even touch it enough to drop change from a purchase into her open hand.  This is because there is no way to know if she is having her period and therefore unclean.  That shit raises my ire.  

Is a good handshake important?

Sure.  It’s the foundation of a good handjob.  

Do you get along with the oposite sex?

Sure.  I’ve pretty much always got along with people regardless of their gender.  If I don’t get along with them, it’s usually more of a douchelord kind of issue.  

Do you like being around small children?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  No. 

Do you like yourself?

I want to be a badass like I’m assuming Lisa will be(and truly is, as I can attest) and say, hells to the yeah, I’m rad sauce on toast.  But truthfully?  Not so much a lot of the time.

Do you have a best friend?

I have several variations on the theme.

Do you think your a good friend?

The basis for my self-esteem has basically hinged on the idea that I am.  But lately I’m not so sure.

Do you listen to gossip?

Of course.  It’s what separates us from the animals.  People are THE most interesting thing there is.  What else woould we all talk about.  

Do you think midgets are funny?

Like unilaterally?  Vern Troyer naked on a scooter and peeing on the floor of The Surreal Life house was pretty damn funny.  Peter Dinklage is dry and funny in almost everything he does.  But I’m pretty sure they don’t cotton to being called midgets.

Do you feel sorry for fat people?

I don’t feel sorry for anyone just because they’re fat.  And I don’t feel good about the whole I’m beautiful no matter what backlash thing that’s happening.  Sure, you’re beautiful no matter what.  But obesity kills.  And dead don’t look good on anyone.

I do feel empathy for people when I hear the story that caused them to be obese.  Because we all have a story and a cause, whether it be physical, mental or emotional.  I don’t consider myself obese, but I have been there before.  And my BMI(27) considers me overweight.  Which is the gateway to obese.  And no matter how much you exercise or how much you love yourself, you cannot be healthy and obese.  You can be on your way there and you don’t have to be a stick to be healthy.  I’m trying to get back on the path, but food has always been a roadblock for me.

Is it funny when someone falls?

Not to me.  My husband likes that dumb show where grown ass people try to cross water by jumping from one big rubber ball to the next.  I’m either cringing or playing Words With Friends on my phone to alleviate the boredom.

Do you like animals?

What asshat says no to this?  Animals are cool.  We have a Manx cat named Zuzu.  She’s pretty rad, but I have far less time and attention for her since the kid came into the picture.  Which works out alright since she is having a love affair with my husband.  She waits at the door for him, he builds her houses out of our clean laundry and blankets.  

I might have more time and attention for one of these guys.  Like, oh my gawd, kewt.

Do you help people alot?

A and lot are two separate words.  You’re welcome.  

Do you do random nice things for people?

I’m pretty free with the handjobs, if that’s what you mean.

It’s Reality To Me

It’s getting real up in this bitch.  And when I say bitch I am referring to Conda, the uber bitch contestant on this season of The Biggest Loser.  If you know anything about me, you probably know that a)I grew up in a cult on what is now the Biggest Loser Ranch and b)that I motherfucking love BL.

Perhaps it’s because my own lifelong weight struggles began on the same soil now occupied by those fighting to get their asses off.  Perhaps it’s a voyeuristic trip down memory lane(actually no perhaps about it, I pause all the time to get a better look at the aerial views of the whole property or the rare glimpses inside the Novitiate).  Perhaps it’s my barely conscious desire to lose the weight now and forever and change my life.  Yet again.

I can tell you what it most assuredly is NOT.  And that is some sick desire to see squabbles and drama played out on my flat screen.  America, or maybe the whole fucking world, may enjoy the trivialities and mind erasing banality of whatever reality stars are up to on the daily(and I know y’all do or else we wouldn’t continue to be inundated by the superficial, inane bullshit perpetrated by the entire Kardashian crew and the endless parade of jacked up Housewives of Who Gives A Shit), but when I watch BL I am really watching to see these peeps lose weight, change their lives and inspire themselves and others.  There is enough drama in that, in my opinion.

But, so often, we have to suffer through the whiny bitch who wheedles and manipulates and plays the game.  And this years whiny bitch is Conda.  She cries and complains and talks shit and yet no one, save the poor doomed Aqua team, seems to see or care.  She manipulated her(new!) team into throwing the weigh-in(sabotaging THEMSELVES) to earn the privelege to kick out the new girl.  Of course, new girl Daphne done wrong with making a stupid emotional decision and thereby putting revenge above her own weight loss.  But she had a right to be pissed to begin with because she and her brother were judged and shunned from their return to the Ranch.  And who led the witch-hunt?   Bitch ass Conda, obvi.

Conda now finds herself on the Black Team with some really sweet chicks who I am hoping will be able to see through the bullshit and banish the bitch.  I mean, can’t we all just get along?  I was spoiled by Season 12 which was chock full of awesome.  When it all just gets too much, I just have to take a step back and look at this.

Dolvett Quince, The Biggest Lost trainer

Why hello there, Mr. Trainer Man.  How you doin’?  I love me some Bob Harper, but what is the male equivalent of hello, nurse?  Because brother is pretty.

In other equally important news from reality, I am officially retired as an American Idol viewer after watching the unholy mess that was Hollywood week.  Totally ridic.  But I can’t get enough of The Voice.  I have big love for all the coaches – Adam, the cocky, tattooed little leprechaun; Christina, with her Voice Of Power and her Boobs That Will Not Be Tamed; Cee Lo, the smooth Buddha man who turns sexual harassment into a tool of seduction; and my favOreet Blake, who perfectly blends his down home mix of arrogance, humor and genuineness into a big ole, severely appealing cocktail.  Plus, the whole tall drink of water kinda works for him.

Rawr

There was some controversy about some statements Randy Jackson, famous shit talker of Idol, had made about The Voice.  He called the show second rate and said that the Idol rejects could win The Voice.  Adam fired back on The Ellen Show that every artist deserves as many chances as they can get and that Idol was actually Randy’s second chance so he should get it.  Randy soft balled it on Ellen by saying that he just meant to point out that the shows are different because Idol is finding new talent as opposed to recycling possibly flawed talent.  But the judges on Idol are always talking about how one performance can make all the difference and people can suck one time and kick ass the next, so how does all that information jibe?

My money’s on The Voice.  There’s a fun energy between the coaches and it’s different enough to be entertaining in its own right(unlike the horribly boring X Factor).  Last season had some amazeballs performers and Dia Frampton, like a crazy diamond, shone on.  Again in my opinion.  I can’t wait to see what will be thrown into the ring this season.  Especially after performances like this one.

http://youtu.be/YSnrLqdt6oc

Pinned It/Did It – Lego Table

You know you got it bad for Pinterest.  Or wait, maybe that’s me.  While I don’t wile away hours, I do enjoy my daily pinning time.  And by enjoy I mean crave like a drug.  A multifaceted drug that holds all of the badass shit that life has to offer.  And more.  Not to oversell it, but I’m fairly certain the cure for cancer AND Jimmy Hoffa’s body are stashed somewhere in those never-ending pages.

So Pinterest = crack, meth and dope all rolled up into one tastefully decorated, delicious looking recipe for a balls out internet experience.  Pinning rules, it’s awesome and super dope.  But actually doing something you pinned is the ultimate high.  It’s like, YES, I am a golden god.  I came, I pinned, I brought forth with my own two hands something that before had merely existed in picture form.  I AM CREATOR.

Show me what you’ve pinned. In fact, show ALL of us. Link up at My Own Beeswax.

 

 So I saw this incredibly awesome Lego table and put a pin in it.

Source: ordinarymom.ca via Lucid on Pinterest

I went to Ikea and acquired a Lack side table for 10 bucks.  On Amazon I purchased a Lego Duplo building plate for 15 bucks.  You can also purchase four Lego building plates for older kids and for more coverage on the table.  If you do this be sure to use a Lego brick to space the plates properly or it could result in super sad panda.  I took a couple of Glue Dots I had lying around the house and glued it.  And then I stuck a bow on it and put it under the tree.

Result = totally fucking awesome(albeit small) Lego table for $25 bucks.  Which is played with every day.  I am a golden pinning god, yo.

Dose Of Happy – Keep It Alive

Over at Band Back Together we’re feeling like we want to junk punch the next person who asks us if we have a case of the Mondays.  So instead of doing the time in the resulting anger management program, we decided to take Monday back.  So we’re linking up our Dose of Happy posts and bringing the awesome back to Mondays.  You can play too.  Now get  your happy on.

Mid-February is right about the time when we Portlanders need a gentle reminder of the good fucking reason for settling down in this place what with all the gloom and doom and excess of gray and rainies.  I’ll probably just watch this on repeat until the sun gets his ass back to town.

http://youtu.be/AVmq9dq6Nsg

Trifextra – Retelling

As if the Trifecta weekly writing challenge weren’t badass enough, those diabolical editors, both silent and un, are hosting a second weekly challenge, Trifextra.  The rules change each weekend so be sure to check in often so you’ve got the knowledge and the goods to bring it.  Oh, it’s on.

***Voting ends tomorrow(2/19) at 10pm EST!!!  Trifecta is up for a Best New Weblog Bloggie.  If you have an email you can vote.  Do it because you love me, because you love Lisa, because you love writing or reading or things that come in threes.  Just do it.***

This week’s challenge:  Retell a famous story, poem, book, or fable in exactly 22 words

Who Shot Mr. Burns?: Part 1

Superdude begets wealth.  Everyman, shunned, shocks a town with one word and greed lays it to waste.  Motives abound.  Blocking the sun for profit leads to bleeding on a sundial.  Or does it?